


Burning In The Sky

by chasingastarlight



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, last five minutes of 4x02 do not exist alright, post canon hug, s4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-13
Updated: 2017-01-13
Packaged: 2018-09-17 03:54:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9302981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chasingastarlight/pseuds/chasingastarlight
Summary: Sherlock and John need to find their way back into each other.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was a very fast written one-shot because TFP's spoilers were making me anxious and I needed to do something.  
> Hope you all enjoy it and it makes you feel better about everything.

I can still feel it. The warmth of his skin under my fingertips, his tears soaking through the silk of my shirt, the sound of his sobs. I shouldn’t cherish this memory as much as I do, I know it, but I can’t help it. I had never been so close. I don’t know if I will ever be so close to him again.  
   
He’s taken me to see Rosie twice now, twice in a month isn’t a lot but I don’t want to rush it. I know how much it means to him, and even I can guess it must be weird to see me there instead of Mary. I wouldn’t choose me either, he may look like an idiot but he’s not. I can see it in his eyes whenever I hold Rosie, there are still some grudges in his stare. I don’t know if there will ever come the day in which I see a spark in his eyes again. He told me to take my chance with Irene before it was too late, little does he know I lost the only chance I wanted to take the moment he married Mary. I wish I had had the courage to tell him before I disappeared, if only I had known back then what I know now…  
   
‘’Sherlock, are you ready to go back home now?’’  
   
Home. I try not to snort, how can he not realise the word home as referred to 221B lost all its meaning the moment he stopped living there as well?  
   
‘’Sure, John.’’  
   
He smiles a little, and I see some concern in his eyes but I ignore it. It’s not like I want to ask him about myself either. I don’t wanna be the kind of person who needs reassurance from others, besides, I know he thinks I’m daydreaming about drugs. Maybe that’s all that there is behind these moments we spend together, the fact that he worries I’ll fall back into it the moment he’s gone. I don’t blame him, I probably would.  
   
‘’Do you want to say goodbye to Rosie? I think she likes you.’’  
   
That actually makes me smile, and he smiles right back at me. I don’t need to say anything, he goes for her and lets me hold her in my arms for a little while. She’s all giggles right now, she tries to catch the curls falling on my forehead and I try not to make a sound when she actually gets hold of my hair and pulls it. She’s adorable, just like her father. I catch a glimpse of John staring at us, and for a moment I think he was smiling. It was probably just an illusion, because he clears his throat as a way to get my attention and let me know it’s time to go. I don’t want to leave, but I know I need to. Maybe the day comes when I don’t have to leave. When home is a shared flat, a shared bed, a shared life again. When I can play the violin for him during those sleepless nights and I can wake up to the noises coming from the kitchen where he’s making tea. Maybe we could be one again. But then again, that chance doesn’t last forever.  
   
It’s been three months since the last hug when I actually get to do it again. We had spent the day together with Molly and Mrs. Hudson, all of us and Rosie, having so much fun it seemed like no time had passed and, for a moment, we were back to what we were before. Of course, it was just an illusion. Once everyone had gone back home and he had put Rosie in her cot, he came back to meet me in the kitchen, where I was just getting finished with cleaning our mess. I didn’t notice what was happening at first, I just felt his hands wrapping around my waist from behind and I couldn’t move a single muscle in fear of him letting me go. I wanted that touch to last forever, but he ended up pulling his hands apart and so I had to turn around to meet his eyes. He must have noticed the confusion in mine, because he proceeded to give me a proper hug as he murmured a very soft ‘’thank you’’ in my ear. It’s amazing to feel him under my hands again. This time I don’t go for his neck, so no exposed skin is in on my fingertips but I am able to feel his warmth anyway. I take in his smell, his voice, his heartbeat. I try to paint a picture of this moment in my mind so that I won’t forget it, right next to my memory of the last hug we shared. Only this is better, ‘cause he’s started it. He wanted to hug me. Three months after the first time I visit him, I stay the night.  
   
It’s nothing intimate, and yet it still feels like heaven to me. He says he’d feel better if I stayed because it’s already late and I look tired, I want to deny it but I know it’s pointless; I am knackered, so I nod and walk towards the sofa but he grips my arm before I can reach it.  
   
‘’I’ve got a bed, you know… I know you don’t mind sharing one, and I don’t mind it either.’’  
   
‘’No, of course, I don’t mind.’’  
   
He grins and lets go of my arm after giving it a gentle squeeze, and it’s so soft, so delicate, that for a moment I believe he might as well want me in his bed for the same reasons I want to be in it; that maybe he wants me to make him feel safe, that my presence here is soothing for his soul, that he might, might as well just love me back.  
   
‘’Follow me, then. I won’t let you sleep on the sofa.’’  
   
We sleep with our backs right next to each other’s, I try to keep the right distance not to touch him but being able to feel him there somehow. I don’t remember falling asleep, but I wake up with his arms wrapped around me in the middle of the night and it’s so good I try not to sleep again just so I can cherish the moment and live in it for as long as I can. However, I do fall asleep back again and when the morning wakes me he’s no longer wrapped around me, but something in his eyes has changed when we meet later on in the kitchen. Something’s definitely changed between us.  
   
It’s been several months now and I stay most nights in his house. We no longer pretend as though we don’t want to touch each other when we go to bed. I put my arms around him, I know he likes it, I stroke his hair and his back and sometimes I kiss his neck, his cheeks, his forehead… he rather likes that too. There’s a week in which I stay every single night. He doesn’t want to let me go back to Baker Street, and I don’t want to be back there either. Some nights Rosie starts crying and it’s me who gets up, he doesn’t even flinch now because he trusts I’ll do the right thing to calm her back to sleep, and when I get back into bed he’ll nuzzle my neck and kiss it gently so that I know he’s grateful to have me there.  
   
It’s not until more than a year has passed that I actually get the courage to tell him how I feel, even if I already know he knows the truth that lies beneath our weird relationship. It’s a beautiful night and Rosie is staying with Molly because she’s been very noisy lately and Molly offered to keep up with her for a night so that we could have a peaceful night for once. We’ve even gone out for dinner because he wanted to take me out, so I feel confident. It must be tonight or it will never be, and I need to face it or else I must go back to Baker Street. We’re just walking back home, the stars barely visible but just enough so that the sight is beautiful. It reminds me of one of my first nights with him, and I know he remembers it as well because he smiles at me rather fondly. I stop right in track and take a deep breath, then I actually let my heart speak louder than my brain for once in my life.  
   
‘’John, you know I’m in love with you, right?’’  
   
He doesn’t even look surprised, doesn’t even try to make it seem as though it shocks him somehow. He just smiles at me, he smiles and then he’s laughing softly, his eyes half closed in that way that I find so immensely adorable. He bites his lower lip and looks up at me still showing that goofy smile on his face.  
   
‘’You utter idiot… of course I know. God, Sherlock, I know. I love you too, might even admit I’m rather in love with you. Have been ever since I met you.’’  
   
I don’t know what to do now. All these years, all this preparation, all the times I’ve played this scenario in my head and yet now I don’t remember what I had planned to do next, but I don’t need to remember because he takes my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze.  
   
‘’Just so you know, you can kiss me wherever and whenever you please,’’ he says, ‘’in fact, I’d rather like it if you gave me a kiss right now.’’  
   
And so I remember, of course, a kiss. I can’t even believe I get the chance to kiss him after so long. I thought my chance was long gone, thought it had died when I did, but then I remember I didn’t truly die, and so didn’t our love. As I kiss him I taste all the bliss and magic I thought were inexistent and only affordable for others, ordinary people. Throughout my whole life I had denied myself the need of something like this, of what humans normally seek, the pleasures and pain of a romantic relationship, but when John kisses me back I don’t know why I ever thought I could live without it. I don’t think I could ever go another day without kissing John Watson like this.  
   
When we pull apart, I find everything I have been searching for during my whole life has been hiding right there in his eyes, in the sparks flying inside the dark blue orbits that are staring deep into my soul. I love him, and he knows, he loves me back. It’s all I can ever want. I kiss him again, just to know if it’s real and if I’m not dreaming or just high. It seems I’m not.  
   
‘’Let’s go home,’’ he says.  
   
And finally, home is a concept that definitely holds a true meaning.  
 


End file.
